Totally correct Incorrect Leverage quotes
WHERE IS THE LIE???
Incorrect? This is 100% accurate.
eliza: this is my ex-fiancé, alexander.
alexander: you’ve got to stop introducing me like that.
alexander: i’m her husband.
some iconic dialogue that sounds like its from the great canon of literature but are actually from memes
- I will face God and walk backwards into Hell
- “I’ll do whatever you want” “then perish”
- I have been through hell and come out singing
feel free to add more!
- There are no gods here
- Do I look like the kind of man who dies
- God’s dead and soon we will be too
- I thought there were no heroes left in this world
• you kneel before my throne unaware that it was built on lies
- Impudent of you to assume I will meet a mortal end
- This is hell’s territory and I am beholden to no gods
- Bury me shallow, I’ll be back
- take this gift, for the gods surely won’t
- God wishes he were me
- One day, you will be face to face with whatever saw fit to let you exist in the universe, and you will have to justify the space you’ve filled
This was so fun to think about, seriously you’re awesome and I love you anon ♥️
Damian:
• *looks in the mirror five seconds after the spell hit. gasps* “I’m HIDEOUS!!!”
• Wayne Enterprises employee, smiling brightly: “Good morning Mr. Drake-Wayne. How are you today?”
- Damian: “I don’t know but you’re fired.”
• He gets so fed up with having to push Tim’s bangs from his eyes that he resorts to borrowing Cass’ sparkly butterfly hair clips to keep them up and out of his face.
• “Why am I only an inch taller than I used to be? I still can’t reach Pennyworth’s cookie jar even on my tiptoes. You need to grow more, Drake.”
• He finds out why Tim wears long sleeves so often, but he doesn’t say anything to Tim about it. He does file it away for future conversation, though, and he monitors Tim more closely even after the whole incident is over.
• “Damian, why are you chugging an entire carton of milk?”
- “Because Drake is too small for me to tolerate any longer. I’m a beanpole. A toothpick. A runt amidst a litter of bats.”
• *goes outside for an hour* “HOW THE HELL AM I SO SUNBURNED??? WHAT ARE YOU, A VAMPIRE???”
• He’s sad when his pets don’t recognize him and run when he tries to pet them. As a solution, he douses his entire body in catnip. Turns out Tim never told him he was allergic to catnip, so that was an interesting discovery.
• He has to drink at least four cups of coffee a day or else he gets sick because at this point Tim is addicted to coffee.
- Same goes for normal food. Eating ramen noodles with goldfish and butterscotch pudding is fine, but he ate one (1) apple and his body tried to reject it.
• Ives: “Hey Timbo, what’s up?”
- Damian: “Uh….Hello, associate of mine. Feeling very fleek today. Everything is cool beans. Crackalackin.”
Tim:
• “Why are my pecs so huge.” *cups them* “They feel like rock hard muscle melons. Like a cantaloupe filled with pure power. What strong breasticles.”
• He’s amazed by the amount of muscle on Jason’s body and spends most of his time trying to see what stuff he can crush with his bare hands.
- *breaks a stick in half* “I AM ALMIGHTY.”
• He braids Jason’s white streak and pins it back with some pink hair clips Steph gave him.
- *poses in the mirror* “I’m a buff zombie princess.”
• *on the phone with Roy* “Hey Roy, so remember that secret I told you once and demanded you never to tell anyone else? Yeah, that one. Would you mind explaining it to me in explicit detail, slowly so I can write it all down.”
• *gentle gasp* “I’m allowed to drink alcoholic beverages in this body.”
- *later that night after his fifth shot of appletini* “DO YOU EVER JUST THINK ABOUT THE MUPPETS AND CRY??? KERMIT THE FROG MAN, KERMIT THE FROG.”
• He has to wear sunglasses and a hat whenever he goes out because he has to make sure no one in Gotham recognizes the late Jason Todd.
• The first time he sees what Jason’s body really looks like under all the armor and layers, he’s shocked. Jason doesn’t take his shirt off in front of people much because he’s embarrassed by all the scars. Tim tries not to look at them because he knows Jason doesn’t like sharing this detail with anyone, but occasionally he finds himself absently tracing the autopsy scar under his shirt. He has a new respect for Jason after this whole ordeal.
Jason:
• “I feel like an overcooked noodle.”
• Adjusting to how flexible Dick is turns out to be quite the experience. He does the splits with no problem. He swings from a tree branch and lands on the ground as fluid as a leaf. He does four backflips in a row.
- Jason, cartwheeling through the room: “Watch as he flips with the greatest of ease, the rad noodle man on the flying trapeze.”
- Dick, in his tiny Damian voice: “That’s not even how the song goes!”
• “Why does my mouth taste like ketchup and ice cream 24/7. What do you eat, Dick.”
• At first he thinks it’ll be nice for once, being able to walk around Gotham without worrying about people recognizing him as being a dead man. Turns out, it’s almost worse when he can’t go to a McDonald’s without a bunch of paparazzi and fan girls following him around and begging to take a picture with the hottest Wayne boy.
• He goes to the police precinct for work and is on edge the whole time because this is the first time in years he’s been surrounded by cops who don’t want to arrest him.
• Catcaller: “Hey, nice ass!”
- Jason: “Thanks, I got it from my brother!”
• Dick from the next room: “If you smoke in my body and give me cancer I’ll kill you!”
- Jason, with a lit cigarette in his mouth: “It’s a metaphor, you see. I died once and I’ll die again because I’m not a fucking coward.”
• After he’s back in his own body: “Hey, I wonder if I can still do all that flipsy shit.”
- Later: “So, Master Jason, tell me again how you shattered your collarbone?”
Dick:
• He eats one (1) cheeseburger, but unfortunately forgot about Damian being vegetarian so he winds up getting violently sick because the body he’s in doesn’t accept meat anymore. So that was a learning experience.
• “Why does it physically hurt to smile. Who hurt you, Damian.”
- “A bunch of assassins and a psychopath for a grandfather.”
• Damian may be athletic, but he’s nowhere near as stretchy as Dick is used to. He tries putting his leg behind his head and nearly breaks his pelvis.
- One upside is he’s far smaller and lighter in Damian’s body, which makes swinging around on the trapeze a breeze. He’s like an Acrobat Barbie doll.
• He has to call Tim for help when he can’t reach his cereal on the top shelf.
- Tim, walking into the kitchen half asleep and confused: “Are you one of Santa’s elves?”
- Dick, sobbing on the floor: “I CAN’T REACH MY FRUITY PEBBLES”
• He starts crying again later that afternoon because “THIS WEAK ASS BODY CAN’T EAT SRIRACHA WHAT AM I GOING TO DO NOW???”
• He stands in the middle of the room and watches all the adults bustle around: “I am a bean. A tiny chihuahua. A mere flea in a world of elephants and woosles.”
• “If there is one upside to all of this body-swapping, at least I can finally use the Dora the Explorer baby toothpaste without being ridiculed.”
• Jon: “Hi, Dami! What’s up?”
- Dick: *to himself* “Hmmm what would Damian say…Oh, I know!”
- To Jon: “Salutations, comrade. Photosynthesis. Lackadaisical. The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell.”
“My mother is the kind of woman who’d unplug your life support machine to charge her phone.”
-Damian Wayne, at some point probably
The phone was probably only at 90% too
Steve Rogers uses voice to text to send texts and formats them like a telegram
HEY BUCK STOP SAM AND I ARE OUT SHOPPING STOP WANT US TO PICK UP SOME TAKEOUT STOP
Steve rogers fully understands that this is not the correct way to text. He just likes the absolute outrage it causes every time someone receives a text from him and wants to see how many times he can make the same people explain texting to him until they realize. Sam is currently at 14 times, beating out tony who’s at nine. Twice now shuri has facetimed him after reading bucky’s texts. He’s also managed to convince thor that this is the Earth Way to text and it’s great
I love this HOWEVER steve does it to sam like twice before sam is like, “you’re just being an asshole aren’t you. captain america is a fucking troll. do you know how much of middle america you’re disappointing right now, steve.” steve gives him a giant shit-eating grin before asking if he’s gonna tell the others and sam just says, “are you kidding this is the greatest thing I’ve ever seen; the other day tony almost threw his phone out a window.”
HEADCANON ABSOLUTELY ACCEPTED STOP
Anonymous asked:
Steve Rogers does not hate Tony Stark. Quote as proof: S: "He's my friend." T: "So was I." They considered each other friends. Steve may hated Tony in the first Avengers movie, and he trusts him less after Ultron. But they are/were friends. There is no hate from Steve in Civil War. Please get your facts straight before you go into a rant hating many people's favourite character.
theatomicboom answered:
You’re right. Steve, despite all his faults, is still a good person and would never TRULY hate Tony no matter what Tony does. This includes falsely imprisoning their friends on the Raft that clearly violates basic human rights laws, being a hypocrite in terms of responsibility and the Accords, exposing Clint’s family out of spite, manipulating a child into a fight he had no right to be in, and straight up trying to murder Steve’s innocent best friend for a thing he didn’t willing do and yet was still guilt-stricken about. On top of literal decades selling weapons of mass destruction. Steve is a better man than that, even if his own morals would say otherwise.
Then you get Mister Anthony Stark who was APOLOGIZED to and was extended an olive branch from Steve and still, in TWO YEARS, did nothing to acknowledge it or even accept that Steve was willing to compromise for him! He decided instead to live care-free while every other Avenger (minus Thor) had to be on house arrest or being vigilantes! Then in the TWO YEARS on top of another year since Ultron did exactly NOTHING to warn anyone about Thanos showing up minus like, the one time which lead to Ultron being made in the first place (and we saw how well that went)! Because Tony alone seems to think he can solve the world’s problems! Homeboy spent two years being a shitty mentor to Spidey and generally doing nothing but collect money off the damage he created and somehow win Pepper back! It’s almost as if the writers refuse to actually let him get in actual trouble or face any consequences at all!
Anyway Steven Grant Rogers is a better man than Tony will ever be also he is Daddy AF in that beard don’t @ me
Legolas pretty quickly gets in the habit of venting about his travelling companions in Elvish, so long as Gandalf & Aragorn aren’t in earshot they’ll never know right?
Then about a week into their journey like
Legolas: *in Elvish, for approximately the 20th time* ugh fucking hobbits, so annoying
Frodo: *also in Elvish, deadpan* yeah we’re the worst
Legolas:
~*~earlier~*~
Legolas: ugh fucking hobbits
Merry: Frodo what’d he say
Frodo: I’m not sure he speaks a weird dialect but I think he’s insulting us. I should tell him I can understand Elvish
Merry: I mean you could do that but consider
Merry: you can only tell him ONCE
Frodo: Merry. You’re absolutely right. I’ll wait.
#legolas’ hick accent vs #frodo’s ‘i learned it out of a book’ accent #FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT
Legolas: umm well your accent is horrible
Aragorn: *hollering from a distance* HIS ACCENT IS BETTER THAN YOURS LEGOLAS YOU SILVAN HICK
Frodo: :)
Frodo: Hello. My name is Frodo. I am a Hobbit. How are you?
Legolas: y’alld’ve’ff’ve
Frodo, crying: please I can’t understand what you’r saying
Ok, but Frodo didn’t just learn out of a book. He learned like… Chaucerian Elvish. So actually:
Frodo: Good morrow to thee, frend. I hope we twain shalle bee moste excellente companions.
Legolas: Wots that mate? ‘Ere, you avin’ a giggle? Fookin’ ‘obbits, I sware.
Aragorn: *laughing too hard to walk*
dYinGggGggg…
i mean, honestly it’s amazing the Elves had as many languages and dialects as they did, considering Galadriel (for example) is over seven thousand years old.
english would probably have changed less since Chaucer’s time, if a lot of our cultural leaders from the thirteenth century were still alive and running things.
they’ve had like. seven generations since the sun happened, max.
frodo’s books are old to him, but outside any very old poetry copied down exactly, the dialect represented in them isn’t likely to be older than the Second Age, wherein Aragorn’s foster-father Elrond started out as a very young adult and grew into himself, and Legolas’ father was born.
so like, three to six thousand years old, maybe, which is probably a drop in the bucket of Elvish history judging by all the ethnic differentiation that had time to develop before Ungoliant came along, even if we can’t really tell because there weren’t years to count, before the Trees were destroyed.
plus a lot of Bilbo’s materials were probably directly from Elrond, whose library dates largely from the Third Age, probably, because he didn’t establish Imladris until after the Last Alliance. and Elrond isn’t the type to intentionally help Bilbo learn the wrong dialect and sound sillier than can be helped, even if everyone was humoring him more than a little.
so Frodo might sound hilariously formal for conversational use (though considering how most Elves use Westron he’s probably safe there) and kind of old-fashioned, but he’s not in any danger of being incomprehensible, because elves live on such a ridiculous timescale.
to over-analyse this awesome and hilarious post even more, legolas’ grandfather
was from linguistically stubborn Doriath and their family is actually from a
somewhat different, higher-status ethnic background than their subjects.
so depending on how much of a role Thranduil took in his upbringing (and Oropher in his), Legolas may have some weird stilted old-fashioned speaking tics in his Sindarin that reflect a more purely Doriathrin dialect rather than the Doriathrin-influenced Western Sindarin that became the most widely spoken Sindarin long before he was born, or he might have a School Voice from having been taught how to Speak Proper and then lapse into really obscure colloquial Avari dialect when he’s being casual. or both!
considering legolas’ moderately complicated political position, i expect he can code-switch.
…it’s
also fairly likely considering the linguistic politics involved that Legolas is reasonably articulate in Sindarin, though
with some level of accent, but knows approximately zero Quenya outside of loanwords into Sindarin, and even those he mostly didn’t learn as a kid.
which would be extra hilarious when he and gimli fetch up in Valinor in his little homemade skiff, if the first elves he meets have never been to Middle Earth and they’re just standing there on the beach reduced to miming about what is the short beard person, and who are you, and why.
this is elvish dialects and tolkien, okay. there’s a lot of canon material! he actually initially developed the history of middle-earth specifically to ground the linguistic development of the various Elvish languages!
Legolas: Alas, verily would I have dispatched thine enemy posthaste, but y’all’d’ve pitched a feckin’ fit.
Aragorn: *eyelid twitching*
Frodo: *frantically scribbling* Hang on which language are you even speaking right now
Pippin, confused: Is he not speaking Elvish?
Frodo, sarcastically: I dunno, are you speaking Hobbit?
Boromir, who has been lowkey pissed-off at the Hobbits’ weird dialect this whole time: That’s what it sounds like to me.
Merry, who actually knows some shit about Hobbit background: We are actually speaking multiple variants of the Shire dialect of Westron, you ignorant fuck.
Sam, a mere working-class country boy: Honestly y'all could be talkin Dwarvish half the time for all I know.
Pippin, entering Gondor and speaking to the castle steward: hey yo my man
Boromir, from beyond the grave: j e s u s
Literally canon
Anonymous asked:
30. “Do you think you could just please go one day without pissing me off?” Damian and Tim
chibinightowl answered:
This turned out a little differently than I expected. Still not sure how I feel about it.
~*~
There is a reason why Bruce doesn’t partner his third son and his youngest son together. It has nothing to do with Damian trying to kill Tim either. They’ve moved past that, mostly.
He may not be able to admit this to anyone, but Bruce can admit to himself that the reason actually keeps him awake some nights, his brain unable to stop picking apart the possibilities and creating contingency plans.
The conversation he’s able to hear over his broken commlink isn’t helping matters. Yes, his boys (they’ll always be boys to him, no matter how old or big they get) are trying to stage a rescue and get him out of a rather precarious situation but the way they’re going about it has Bruce wishing he could move even the slightest bit and rescue himself.
“That’s not how the coding works,” Tim is saying.
“I know that, Drake, but changing this one line should give us the opening -,”
“No, it won’t. Stop and think a minute and you’ll realize what you’re saying.”
“Do you think you could please go one day without pissing me off?” Damian grumbles, sounding like the teenager he is, but he listens to Tim for a change. “Fine,” he huffs after a moment. “So what do you suggest we use as a distraction then?”
“Your grandfather has ninja following me this week. I can lure them into the back of the building, where I can escape through this air duct,” Tim explains. He must have the blueprints for the building pulled up.
“And the ninja can then take the bulk of the damage,” Damian finishes. He sounds approving of the plan. “That’s vicious, even for you.”
Bruce can just picture Tim shrugging. It hurts knowing his son has that kind of razor sharp edge to him, that sometimes, he sees them all as pieces in some elaborate game where only he knows the endgame. When they get out of here, it’s time for a one-on-one talk with Tim again. Perhaps he needs a vacation from it all…
“It puts us where we need to be. I’ll gain the security room and on my signal, you’ll be able to rescue B.” Tim sounds disturbingly fatalistic. “There will be some damage, but Ra’s always has the ninja under orders to disengage and escape rather than fight. I doubt that’s changed this time.”
“If I join you in the chase, I may be able to counter those orders. Persuade them to attack instead. If they’re taking the initiative, that should lessen the chance of casualties.”
Bruce mentally groans. This is not good. If Dick were here there then he’d be able to rein them in. But he’s in New York. And Jason…well, he’s just as apt to join them as he would work against them. Depends on his mood.
Tim and Damian continue to plan their rescue. It is utterly nerve-wracking how well his sons are plotting together. There are a few snippy comments from Damian but other than those, his input is being considered and even implemented by Tim, making the rescue plan and its numerous contingencies just as much Damian’s plan as it is his.
Bruce can’t help but feel proud of them, even if the ninjas are being referred to as cannon fodder now.
Still, Tim and Damian working together under the same unified flag could easily be the greatest threat this world has ever seen. Not Clark going rogue. Not the sun exploding, or Darkseid taking another swipe at claiming the Earth for his own.
No, it’s the possibility of his two sons joining forces and taking them all down, perceiving them as ineffectual against protecting the greater good.
Where is Jason when he needs him? His special brand of chaos would come in handy right about now. The second Robin hasn’t been accounted for in the plan. Bruce isn’t sure if he’s been contacted at all; neither boy has made mention of him, so he suspects he hasn’t been. If Jason finds out he wasn’t invited to a rescue party for Batman, he’s going to be upset, even if it’s only because he wants the chance to rub it in Bruce’s face that he was the one who needed rescuing for a change.
An upset Jason is a volatile Jason. A volatile Jason is creative in making his displeasure known.
Bruce’s lips twitch minutely. Even he can see how much trouble Tim and Damian are going to be in by not calling the Red Hood. Or Nightwing for that matter. Dick has his own special way of expressing his displeasure.
He should not be as amused by this as he is. These are his sons. He’s their father.
In the distance, Bruce hears a gunshot, along with shouting. Is it…?
Over the comm, Tim swears. “Goddammit, Jason’s here. Where the hell did he come from?”
Bruce silently heaves a sigh of relief as the boys start bickering over what to do now, Damian clearly in favor of still using the ninja somehow. Their temporary truce is over, which means balance has been restored to his world and Bruce can go back to brooding over their future world domination rather than actively fighting against it.
Another gunshot rings out, followed by a shout that is undeniably Jason.
“That’s it, I’m going in,” Tim announces. “Who needs ninja when Jason’s around?”
When this is over, Bruce is going to give them all a lecture over name use on the comms. And then send Tim on vacation because he clearly needs one. Somewhere without any WiFi. After they have their little talk.
Who’s he trying to kid? By the time that discussion is over, they’re both going to need a vacation.
